Practical Psychology for Extraordinary Living 1: Toxic Shame & The Courage of Vulnerability

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“Practical Psychology for Extraordinary Living” is a special seminar series continuing the themes explored in the “Modern Mating Explained” video series, exploring the practical implications of deeper reflection on psychology for the art of living.

For over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D., has helped hundreds of thousands of people from over 87 countries find happiness, success, and fulfillment in their social, professional, and love lives. His presentations – whether keynotes, seminars, or workshops – leave clients with insights into their behavior, psychology, and keys to their empowerment. His training methodologies are the result of over a decade of coaching and education of thousands of students around the world. Join him in this special seminar series as he explores deep questions of the psychological bases for mating in the modern world. Subscribe now.

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David Tian, Ph.D.: The third section in this one is looking at the concept of shame. Why is shame important? Shame is a shaming concept. If you were to just tell them point blank, “The truth is, you’re dealing with shame”, they’d be like, “No, I’m not! I have no shame. I have no shame.” That’s why I’m very careful about the use of this special term, though if you were to speak to a specialist or a researcher, this would be the most accurate term to use.

The reason guys have approach anxiety that is more than, let’s say, 2 out of 10 in intensity is because of shame. The reason you have blockages in your conversation with a woman where your mind goes blank, or you start to stutter because you’re not sure what to say next, is because of shame. This is assuming that you have the intelligence to speak to somebody else already.

If you are an incredibly low-IQ or you’re not functioning as a verbal adult, maybe that’s the reason why you can’t speak. Assuming you can speak to me or to other males, or other human beings, the reason why you have approach anxiety, or social anxiety, or that you go blank in conversation, or that you can’t escalate at whatever levels, physically, verbally, whatever, with a woman that you like is because of shame. It’s all because of shame.

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